Holiday Season...

So this time of year is upon us once again. Spending time with our loved ones. So interesting the various conversations we have. For instance, one of my "cousins", we will call "Caesar" is feeling the pressure from his parents. Good looks, loads of money, strong, good build etc....Basically the damn boy is a GOLDEND CHILD! hahaha The world is at his feet. He has this young lady whom his parents are not for lack of a better word fond of. The father especially thinks he is too young to be settled down with ANY one lady. So he seeked my counsel. I was at a loss as to what to advise this young man...I see both arguments as very valid because there are alot of reasons why the young man doesn't agree with his father. So what to do? What to say? Well I basically advised that he keep in mind ALWAYS something that came home to roost for me myself this year: Loving Parents never want anything bad for their child; They worry and want to spare their children making decisions that may make them hurt. They might not always "get" or "understand" completely, but they might see something we don't consider in our choices. I don't know if I was any help, but we did have a nice long talk and in the end, I wish, hope and pray that it works out the best for everyone involved. ...Thoughts??

We come to the end of yet another year!!! I always try to mellow out, and take in the entire year and try to make resolutions based off what I want to try differently. This year started off sorta emotional. It was crazy the bs I tried this year. But in the end I hope I grew and matured from the negative experiences and I cherish the good times. I think my new mind set is to do whats most important to ME and not always consider others in the choices I make in 2008. I need to re-focus on attaining some goals and get more serious. I already got a momentum going for this year and I intend to step it up in 2008 even more so. Even LESS goofing off and social events than this year (Sorry guys!!! hahahaha), more volunteering, more studying, more grinding!! Cash Rules Everything Around Me :CREAM get the money baby! lol....It is what it is. No matter what tho, Love you guys!! I am thankful for all the true, genuine people in my life! And I wish everyoone prosperity, true love and happiness in 2008!
Xoxoxox~BLesS~xoxoxoX

Party and BullSh*!#@!! LOL

Hung over as heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night, hung out with my brother and my brother from a different mother...and father! heheheheheh .....And man O man....I remember why I gave up booze!!! I am soooooooooooo hung over! But so much interesting things happened!!! whooooooooo
Im going to go lay down and come bak and Dish.....

Tyra Banks Show on Monday November 19th 2007

This show was soooooooooooo deep!! It was an experiment on Sex and sexual attraction by the different races....so where do I begin??

The one white guy, Mark IS CRAZY!!!!!!!! He said Black women and Latinas are fatter cuz they can't afford good food? WTF!??!?! Whoa!!! And then the comment about describing black women as being like deers with the big eyes? MISGUIDED!! whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! My mouth dropped! It was like he was trying to give compliments but in a cutting way?? lol....when the one female caucasian audience member got up and freaked out on him saying all white women look plastic but are usually skinnier because they can afford plastic surgery?? I almost fell out my chair!!! The generalizations!! DEEP!!!

And the black dude Pierre is LOST!! Whoa! Self Hate!! Black women all look the same??? Sooooooooo offense!!! How our looks are boring, and he kept saying the very features he had, in women were ugly to him?? It was like how much self hate do you have!! Its soooooooo overt in him!! Sad!
If he would wake up and look around, he would see all the beautiful shapes and sizes that black women come in!! We are a very versatile people! And I celebrate that part of my heritage and appreciate it! Its so sad when a black man doesn't realize this, and puts us down!!

I had to shake at the one black girl model who was super skinny and the majority of the men were unattracted to her and her saying that most men of color have no interest in her, which why she usually dates white men.

And Im not even going to get into the comments about black women and weaves!! WTF...ROTFLMAO!!

And the sex comments about the different races:
Jiang saying Asian women make Japense anime sounds??? LMAO!! TOO DAMN FUNNY!!
Seeing dollar signs in the white women's eyes?? TOO MESSED UP!!! What the heck is WRONG with that Mark guy!!
Coldest fish in the bedroom -white women?? Are they CRAZY!!! Black guy Pierre again opened his mouth and proved what a moron he actually is : Latinas only wanting to have 8+ kids and ish!! wow!! Just....WOW
Most promiscuos - white women akin Mark and the Asian guy, Dulove....
and once again Mark chimes in with his comments - Saki, malt liquor and tequila and beer!!! LMAO!! WHOAAAAAAAA WHAT AN A$$! "Every race has their drink of choice"

The sexual fantasy segment:
Caucasian woman - having the Asian and Latino men
Latina woman - Asian, white and black men
Black woman - alone - not a sexual fantasy
Asian woman - Black, latino and white

Who they would take home to their mothers/marry segment:
Asian woman - Asian and white
Black woman - ONE Black
Latino woman - Latino
Caucasian - Black, white, and latino

Overall I think this show was interesting because I very rarely watch the Tyra Banks show, but the topic today really got to me. Being a young woman of mixed ancestry, some of the comments made offended me. All different races come in very different shapes, sizes and colors, so some of the commentary made was waaaaaaaay to generalized!! Anyone that knows me, knows I am a feminist and more importantly a womanist!! Society needs to change or re-evaluate the way we define whats beautiful. This eurocentric notion of beauty is unrealistic and ridiculous and most importantly, I feel, racist. I think the 2nd to last segment really got to me the most...the black woman is not a sexual fantasy to ANY of the races!!! and only ONE man, a black man, deemed her the race he would marry/take home. Are we as a race, so full of self hate that we can't see the beauty we possess ourselves as beautiful to each other? what the heck is that all about!! I have a various mixture, being light skinned complexion, short, petite and top heavy, with long black hair, so it made me think where I would fit in the different assessments given by the men. Isn't this 2007?? I thought we had come a long way since the civil rights movements but its evident: We still have a long long way to go in reassessing ourselves.....

Comments??

Men....

"When we love by intention and will, by showing care, respect, knowledge, and responsibilty, our love satifies. Individuals who want to believe there is no fulfillment in love, that true love does not exist, cling to these assumptions because this despair is actually easier to face than the reality that love is a real fact of life but is absent from their lives." - Bell Hooks






Why does it seem like my love life (or lack of one) is too damn complicated??
I recently got out of a relationship with someone I love(d) a great deal. He was my everything. I yearned to be seen and loved in his eyes....yet it was something he couldn't do. I take the blame for that part. Have you ever loved someone sooooooooo much, its like you turn yourself inside out to be what you think they want you to be, and somewhere along in this process, you completely lose yourself and thats the very thing that made them want you in the first place? Its a truly wretched existence and un-explainably painful thing to come to this realization. Especially if your the type of individual I am, and pride myself on being -> a smart, confident, intelligent, outspoken and most importantly STRONG young woman. I became this...weak, empty, compliant shell of an human being. I wasn't me anymore. I didn't feel happy or good about myself anymore. All the things I used to say I would never become, I became. Everything I used to enjoy doing, lacked pleasure. It all became about him, and wanting to be with him and doing everything to stay with him, and please him. I gave up on myself, my uniqueness and sense of self was gone. I thought I was soooo in love I could not walk away. But the twisted thing was I still wanted him and wanted to be with him. I was sooooooooooooo weak that I felt like I needed him in my life, when really....he wasn't meant for me. He's a selfish, self centered, egotistical, disorganized person. Yes, he had his good qualities -> he was kind, and loyal *edit*-He was not loyal...a sorry excuse for a man *edit*but he was incapable of seeing the ways he was being unfair to me. Well I would love to think he's incapable, but maybe he just wasn't ready to give me what I needed. I put my whole life into this man, loving what I thought "we" COULD have been, not what we actually were THIS WAS A PROBLEM. Anyways, it all came to a head and I awakened to reality and what was actually happening. We broke up. I cried. ALOT. I was so hurt and confused and all out of sorts. But it brings something to my attention that all men should know, and I'm going to specify. If you TRULY love the woman, you NEVER let her go! You come get her when she leaves! That's what she wants you to do!!!! (unless she has filed an order of protection, then no, she really wants you to leave her the hell alone). But yeah, I left, packed my shit and bounced....he didn't follow. So I interpreted that as he didn't want or love me anymore, or maybe ever, who knows with this guy. Anyways....


Fast Forward to now, I've been trying to get myself out there, meeting new people etc...
And for the most part to be honest, its been disappointing. I'm not looking to get into anyone seriously just yet, after being engaged :-but it would be nice to meet some one new I felt compatible with. I meet tons of men, thats not the problem. The problem comes in with the qualities/types of men I meet. Some are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too in a rush to get into a relationship with me, when I'm not ready because to be honest I'm still hurt. Some are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay disgusting in that they try to be tricky and get in my pants when they are involved with other women and lying about it ( I HATE HATE HATE being LIED to!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUFF!-> I feel it belittles my intelligence!) and various other things I won't get into (Mama's boys, wimps, chumps, MORONS, career criminals(lol) etc...).
My whole thing is,MEN, if you ARE a man, need to ACT like a Man and not a BOY!!!
Your word means sooooooooo much! Without your word you are NOTHING in my eyes, and I'm sure alot of other people (men and women) would agree with me there.
To sum it up :-
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!!

That is all...

First Dates....

They can be so nerve wrecking and honestly make me abit uneasy. You want to look your best, but not seem to prissy (speaking from a heterosexual female point of view) or intimidating. It is so weird trying to get to know someone new while still following proper first date etiquette! Who pays and if it varies then how is that decided? What appropriate to talk about? Whats too much ? What to do? Where to go? Should you kiss at the end of the night if things go well? If yes, then how far should you take it?

All these questions and the answers vary from time to time.....

Opinions???